On 27th September 2015, I was accompanied to the airport by my close friends and family (my circle). This was after a great dinner, laughter and prayers with my closest circle. I set off to a cold world. Little did I know that three and half years later I would still be holding on this same circle if not a smaller one. The thing with life changes is that some of our friends will be in the same space to move with us while others will choose to move on regardless. It is upon us to accept this process.
FRIENDS MOVING ON
My first shock was learning via social media that one of my closest friends had a wedding. It hurt deeply. She was my person, my circle, or I thought so. I went ahead and congratulated them expecting an ‘explanation’ but all she said was a ‘thank you.’ It broke my heart. The truth about leaving your home country is that life still goes on. Friends get pregnant and even give birth without thinking of you. You leave the close circle of friends. It is literally out of site out of mind. You will miss on birthdays, weddings and even worse of funeral of loved ones.
I know for sure that adulting is hard and making new friends while at it is even harder. Needless to say, becoming a mom of 2 did not make it easier. Some of the few relationships I had established here became strained. Having said this, over a period of time I have found amazing people that are in the same space as me. These amazing people have helped me get through tough times. The beautiful thing with having babies is that they connect you to people you do don’t expect. More so, the mothers group initiative in Denmark has played a great role in connecting with other mums with shared interests. People who care to listen at the endless baby stories. Bloggers are other group I have identified with. Find your people.
The desperation to find a friend abroad is frustrating. Finding someone you can relate to. One you can pour your heart to like you did with your circle back at home. This could also be a trap. When you find that one person you end up pouring your heart out and this could easily be used against you. I have met ladies that sit and trash people they call ‘friends’. They go on and on. One lesson I carry with me is that if they tell you negative vibes about their ‘friends’ they are going to tell someone else about you. Be cautious about who you open your heart to. What kind of circle you are building and who you are letting in. Let go and let peace reign. Search for those that fill your cup, People you are in the same space with.
Moreover, let go of those relationships that you are holding on to because you were in a school together or even a church. When you realise that the world moves on even without you, you mind more about your shit. Truth is you do not have to look for your country people. Diversity in this global village is a beautiful attribute. There are amazing humans who share similar values as us. Reach out. Be the first one to say ‘hello.’ Wait and see if they bite. Danes are not the most friendly people but once you get through them, they are filled with warmth.
I must say that my circle is not big but I have found a sisterhood to relate to here while also enhancing my other smaller circle of friends back home. My family counts as a close one too. Distance does not make it easier and holding on the love that binds us, makes us stronger.
All the photos on this blog are courtesy of Jesper Trasborg and his wife https://www.tmack.life/.
Read on finding mental balance and other amazing blog post from https://www.tmack.life/.