Life at 30. I am at acceptance stage. It is just a number. The fog of confusion is slowly fading away. It’s getting more peaceful up in my head. December 3rd was when I turned 30. However, I forgot the actual birthday. Baby number 2 had just happened and if you are a mom reading this, you know how that goes. Since December, the smoke has settled. Baby girl is sitting and saying babababa. I know, I look like a mad person telling no its mamamamama….The boy is in kindergarten, husbae is on his way from a business trip in Sweden and I am here writing. Two months ago, I could not have imagined being alone with both kids. Despite all the confusion, my 20s have taught me a few things I know for sure.
Motherhood is the biggest test of my time
You will not understand how testing it is to be totally responsible for two human beings who you wish to be the changers of world. It is a confusion of emotions. Bernie has tested my patience to the core and I have to remind myself to act in love. He has also melted my heart a million times. I know for sure that being a mother has changed my life to need more wine after the breastfeeding period.
Build strong friendships
At the age of 20 you tend to have so many acquittances that you easily confuse for friends. At this age you also build very strong friendships that will come through later in life. Finding myself on the other side of the world has made me appreciate my friends more. Those that have stuck through when I was ashy, and now with the highlighters. The older you get the harder it is to make new friends.
Few people genuinely care for you.
Everyone is happy for you until you start doing better than them
I know for sure the difference between being sorry and saying sorry.
Take care of yourself
Your life is interconnected. The body, mind and spirit. Eat well, fill your mind with good things that deserve praise and be aligned with a higher being. This brings so much peace around you. This I know for sure.
Be nice to people
You feel much better by being nice to other people.
Take a break
Take time to pause and reflect. We all experience burn out at some point in life.
Be specific and intentional
I know for sure that it was right to make all the mistakes I made in my 20s. In your 20s be confused but also be specific. You have enough time to make amends and learn without affecting other people’s life that are dependent on you. Fall in love. Let your lover know what you want and how you want to be treated. Break up. Have fun. Party. Go to church. Just do everything.
Learn to say no
I know for sure that it is important to say yes but it is equally as important to say no. Say no to a job that is not well paying or even a date you don’t want. I am still learning this. Going through boarding schools in Kenya left no room to say no. A no was rebellion. There was so much fear of authority instilled in us. It broke some of us. This still follows me in my adulthood and I find myself saying yes out of fear.
I know for sure that not all friends are meant to be in my life. I break those that are not aligned with my purpose. Moreso, I give them closure.
Learn a skill
I know for sure that a learn’t skill is an asset no one can take from you. It may also save you on a rainy day.
I wish someone told me this in my 20s. I was in so much hurry to adult. Travelling opens your mind. You view life from another side and perspective. If you don’t have enough money find programmes that support travel. It could be au pairing or even volunteer. You may not have so much time and energy like you have now.
Be open to change
Stubbornness is resistance to change. Don’t have a very closed mind.
Don’t let social media dictate your life or control your life choices. Live for you. Eat well for your body, dress well , just do life for you. If the social media was deleted, would you be left empty? Social media is a monster and saviour for man. Use it for the good of you and the world.
Cut your hair
A woman who cuts her hair, is about to change her life ~ coco Chanel. I know for sure that I take shorter time to get ready and I look younger. You will not understand how great it feels to cut beautiful, healthy and natural black hair until you do.
In this life we are going to make so many mistakes. I know for sure that forgiving myself is the best gift I can give to me. It allows you to look forward to the future. To enjoy the present too. Learn to forgive yourself you will be at a better position to forgive others.
Whether good or bad, it surely shall pass.
Everyone doesn’t have to like you
I have made peace with this. Creating content on social media gets some people feeling so entitled in knowing every snippet of your life and the moment you dont give them that, you become bad. I know for sure that I am doing well for myself and those close to me and if you don’t like me it’s none of my business.
This is linked to the point above. Know what to share and what not to. I know for sure that you are judged by what people know about you. Social media is a good thing but it can also be a beast. It has led some people into millionaires but others into committing suicide. Know who to allow into your world and who to cut off.
Family is everything
When everything passes, family will stay with you. Spend time with them. Don’t make excuses, call them, create memories that you will talk about in future.
Your parents are right
I know for sure that my parents were right about it. You know about those things that you shouldn’t be in a hurry to move out,yes that one and a lot more.
Take advantage of your body strength when you don’t have kids
My number one on my wish list after baby number 2 is sleep for 6 hours uninterrupted. Go have fun, hike, zipline, because when the kids come, it gets real. Priorities change.
Respect your body
Now that my body has carried two human beings and delivered them, I know for sure it is a temple. Respect it by feeding it with right substances.
Get enough sleep
I know for sure that I should have slept more before motherhood happened. It has been three years since I got a full night sleep and now I appreciate those weekends I stayed in and slept.
Marriage is not a scorecard for success
I have seen friends settle for mediocrity so as to be called married. There are many people doing great things without being married. Its not a must. Stop pressuring people living their best life with ‘when is the wedding’ questions please.
Marriage works and it’s fun
While on this point, there people who are actually very happy in their union. It works best when there is no much struggle and comparing. Just be you and live happily. When it feels right, it is indeed right.
Follow your instincts
Say that thing you are so sure you want to say. Follow your instincts. They are almost always right.
Just be you. There can only be one version of you . I know for sure that it is a waste of time living to impress others. You live oncw, be unapologetically you.
Life is not a competition
The only person you are competing against is you. Strive to be better than you were the previous day. Be happy for other people’s success.
Fuck it up in your 20s
Just do everything. You have time to correct all the mistakes. While at it, remember to make it out alive to enjoy the future.